Everything sucks to the core.. It is ironic but before exams I was so looking forward to it ending... Now I am feeling superbly lonely! Add to the facts that I was watching TV till I go blind there isnt much else to do actually

Sigh...

I miss having a partner.. ask myself if I can take this for another 2 years.. what happen to our flat and what happen to being married? I have no idea.. Just a sorta strangling feeling that owell.. choking me sorta kinda.. I mean getting register and having to live apart just doesnt make sense and I feel that I am not sure anymore. GeezE!

Talk to blockhead yesterday and I ald feel the distance.. I am so jealous of some of my friends who have all the luck and we have to deal with money problem and seperation shit. Told him I aint sure if I can do this much longer.. at the same time we get monetary fulfillment but that emptiness can never be compensate in another way. I am just feeling so choked up and have no idea what I want.

Running errands for people takes up my time but I like time for myself.... geeze.. aint that obvious.. and now I have plenty of time on my hands till the next semester start I am having serious second thoughts about this relocation business.

Life's just pretty sucks at times.. is like a blackhole.. it sucks in all the negativity! Where is all my positiveness? I have this sudden wave of feeling vulnerable and fed up with the housing arrangement and I hate the selfish crap that he is coming out with!

I feel like giving up at times because I realize that I aint that strong to continue this sorta arrangement. IF I like such stuff I would have went out with Patrick when I was way younger and him telling me to wait for him while he go Australia to study. DUH!! Ironic that 7 years later I have to deal with the same situation again.

He's coming back soon but so what.. all is but temporal and nothin ever be the same. I hate the arrangement and no one knows about it but me.. Can the next big idiot please stand up!