It have been almost 2 weeks... and would you believe my luck?

Right after I went to the gynae and confirm that it is yet again another Blighted ovum !@#@^#$^@! I bled out everything the same night. No spotting throughout the pregnancy it just came that one time and everything is gone.

This is the 3rd Miscarriage and I am so so so tired of it. I felt sad but of course without ever seeing a fetus made it a lot better because I know it doesnt even have a chance to feel pain. 4 Kids all gone before they can be develope I ask myself if this is some kind of joke.

I am much better now but still feeling down that I wont be able to be a certified mum of a live birth this year. Hubby was saying that we are ald very lucky to be able to get pregnant so easily. Is that a word that I can associate myself with? I find it hard actually.. because something as simple as a pregnancy I cant carry to term while some wild away the entire pregnancy and give birth to perfect dolls of a baby.

I am sheduled to take the miscarriage profile test to sieve out any abnormalities that might detect if me being a mum is impossible. If it shows that it is I will give up getting pregnant because it is just so painful just like having a candy at hand and have it melt into a puddle before you have a chance to savour it.

My TCM doc insist I dont give up and I have been an angel staying of caffine and cold drinks since. I want to believe her and give myself and hubby a chance to be parents. We have so much love to bestow but just no babies for us to hug and kiss.

I am praying daily that God take care of my 4 kiddos in heaven. I want them to be happy. I know it is silly but I believe they need extra care because they never have the hugs or kisses that they meant to receive from us.

I look forward to the tests next month and making sure I dont get pregnant until I have test whatever is possible. I dont want to add quota to the 4 if it is decided that we cant have live birth. No one was make barren as they quote in the bible.. apparently they left out my name in there *heartbroken*