You know how sometimes you get lead through a rollercoaster ride in life. You hate those rides and dont even take it in real life but somehow ppl just like to drag you in it and make you feel a moment of joy and hope, spice with a moment of disappointment, douse with heavy despair and then peppered with hope all over again.

It's like ppl think it's fun to make you go through the motion of gravity to see how long you can last before the cookie crumble.

I had a ride of my life last year when the boss gave me hope of a new position. So the story goes someone else undeservingly get the job and appreciatively everyone hates him and I'm glad that happen because frankly, I am still sore over it because technically I was overlooked for the position mainly due to gender discrimination. They didnt think a girl can do the job afterall despite what the boss said initially. I rail and cry and make a fuss over it. Decide that this is the year where I get the bonus and start looking for a job with frevour and never mind what the boss was going to say. So I had a couple of offer for the same sort of lousy job and didnt want those and was going choosy over it. I started looking last week so hopefully something works out. I give up on the hope that nothing decent was opening up for me in this company and I frankly can only do the job for that long before I morph into a robot literally.

Just when I was really ready to move on, the boss let a bomber saying another position open up and in 3 months, so for me to get ready. I dont know whether he say that to prevent me from waning into oblivion doing the same job day in day out for the last 7 years but again, I am afraid of the disappointment that I'd experience last year. On all account I was highly disappointed once and I swore up and down that I wouldnt be so gulible in future. So here I am, almost a year after the incident and caught in the same situation again.

Anyhow I dont know what I'll do; whether to wait or still go on pitching myself to the rest of the coampanies offering. Is like decisions take turns to be made in my life and I hate hate hate decisions. Esp those that sort of change the course of your life. I like to make decision what I'll eat and drink, where to have fun and when to meet up with ppl. However life changing decisions freak the hell out of me and those I absolutely do not like.

At a certain point in life you dont want to think so much because sometimes it makes you puke your guts out when you plunge all the way down.