It have been a little over 3 months since the twins left.. still sore but I am starting to accept it much readily. My period which went on a 3 months vacation came back with a vegenance. It was like a signal from God that life have to moved on without the twins and enough grieve have been garner out of this epsiode.

We are going on a much needed holidays in less than 2 weeks and so looking forward to spending the time together and hoepfully we make another pair of twins in the midst of it all. The desire for kids have never been so intense after our unfortunate loss.

Life is just always sad. I sent the mutt to check on his bad stomach due to some bacteria and I go back with undescribleable sadness which I witness at the animal hospital. One 4 year old pooch have cancer and despite all the treatment the owner dishes out to the poor shar pei, it was just better for him to go. His cancer tumours was all over his neck and it just pains me to see him in such agony. He could hardly stand and was literally a bag of bones. The owners was in so much agony and finally start admission process for him to undergo the shar pei shift to heaven.

2 dogs have to be put to sleep during my short tenure at the animal place. The other I have no idea what happen but I heard the hue and cry of the owner in the lab.

I saw a huge dirty Alsatian probably use as a guard dog with matted furs all over and even witness maggots falling out of him. Despite all these the dog was docile and despite the other pain in the neck small dogs that were yapping at him he didnt rebuke. Not even when they have to put the dog through some painful procedures to draw some urin sample he didnt even make a sound. He just have no hate which is precisely the reason why I so adore dogs.

I hug my mutt tight when I see how the owners have to say bye to their charges. I thank God that I have all these time with my mutt because I knew God have given my mutt borrowed time. He will be celebrating his 16th years old next Thursday and I prayed for his birthday that if he have to go God let him go in his sleep because he have his shares of suffering from the unknown pain he probably suffered for being able to live till this age.

Pain is such a word that I hope to grow distance with.